Is it hard to just treat someone better than yourself? Is it wrong to make the move first? And is it a must, for someone else to treat you good.
Living in your own comfort zone, you will not want to come out, and when you are force to see the bitter truth, you could not allow.
Protected by false lies and words of comfort fool your mind you choose a better road to walk on. From there you grow not to love, not to be kind, choose to live the way as it is and don’t progress.
When a person falls, they get up, depending on the period of time they need. Some fast, some slow. Some may say they are already on their feet, but deep inside they have not cure. With a broken heart, you can’t love someone the way it is because your heart is not whole to start with.
Sometimes you will ask for more, but you don’t pour out the amount of love sufficient for him. Sometimes you just don’t expect so you won’t be disappointed.
Sometimes you keep it all to yourself because he will not understand.
If you fall, the term you “stand back on your feet” is when you can love someone with all your heart. Is when you put down those bitter past and laugh at your own silliness instead of regretting not being better.
When the time comes to you, you will see, but to see in what point of view I do not know. What matters most is you saw those weaknesses and mend it. Don’t leave a hole for those weaknesses to creep in.
Yet, don’t force yourself to do the impossible and prove to people that you are a better person. You do it for yourself, and you find pleasure in doing that. If what you do is tiring you emotionally, it brings harm to you. Being more tired, is being more disappointed and changes it to resent.
No matter how it would be, I am just here to crap bout what I think about it. I’m not trying to sound smart, and don’t say that I am. I just a traveler passing by, observing and learning.
January 26, 2010
January 21, 2010
as i had said, i am busy.
So many could happen in one week and so little time to digest.
To wrap it up, I’ve been training hard almost every evening for the inter university competition in Feb. really hope that I can compete well in the upcoming events, as there will be many national athletes contending together.
This was what I imagine I will do even before I entered uni, but training by myself wasn’t constant and followed my mood. Could not say that it is in my blood, but still I love it. Yet, training has turn 360 degrees, from slow jog to speeding all the way, from 3 rounds to 15. Just takes my breath away.
Besides running, there’s dancing. One friend commented, “Michelle’s lifestyle so healthy”, made me laugh. There’s a look in their eyes that they envy me being so healthy. When envy exists, but no action is done to achieve what u envy, it is better not to envy.
Dancing is every night till at least 11pm. compare to last sem which lasted till 1am in the morning, this time it is better.
Being so mobile, it’s a miracle that my leg is healing. All the white stuffs are cleared. There was one time when it started to smell. It smelled like Mi Sedap’s flavoring. One night I tot my roommate was cooking instant noodles. I ask her, wah…so late still eat. she just nodded and smiled. The second day, I smell the same smell, but this time, my roommate wasn’t there. 1 thing was similar is that at both time I smell tat odor, I was cleaning my wound. So funny.
As I have predicted, this semester I would be in UKM more often. So often till sometimes I can’t go back on weekends. When I reach home, I feel so blessed. But by being here so often I am closer with the friends over here. As of last semester, I spent too much time somewhere else and wasn’t always in UKM. Friends in uni are essential as I will spend almost all the time here and study with them for 3 years.
Well, it’s dancing, running, and of course studying, which I always don’t put it in my mind. Since being here in uni, studies become the core of survival in order to stay on. I am getting use to this system, and adjusting my laziness level towards studies. Studies…I LOVE YOU.
I know I can do it, just that I can’t afford neglecting my studies due to the influence of other people’s actions. I just gotta keep on track no matter what hits me. I’m gonna excel this semester and the semesters to come.
I am gonna do better for the strength I have behind me, for the comfy pillow I have if I fall. For a special someone is always there. For all the reasons that the star is shinning.
To wrap it up, I’ve been training hard almost every evening for the inter university competition in Feb. really hope that I can compete well in the upcoming events, as there will be many national athletes contending together.
This was what I imagine I will do even before I entered uni, but training by myself wasn’t constant and followed my mood. Could not say that it is in my blood, but still I love it. Yet, training has turn 360 degrees, from slow jog to speeding all the way, from 3 rounds to 15. Just takes my breath away.
Besides running, there’s dancing. One friend commented, “Michelle’s lifestyle so healthy”, made me laugh. There’s a look in their eyes that they envy me being so healthy. When envy exists, but no action is done to achieve what u envy, it is better not to envy.
Dancing is every night till at least 11pm. compare to last sem which lasted till 1am in the morning, this time it is better.
Being so mobile, it’s a miracle that my leg is healing. All the white stuffs are cleared. There was one time when it started to smell. It smelled like Mi Sedap’s flavoring. One night I tot my roommate was cooking instant noodles. I ask her, wah…so late still eat. she just nodded and smiled. The second day, I smell the same smell, but this time, my roommate wasn’t there. 1 thing was similar is that at both time I smell tat odor, I was cleaning my wound. So funny.
As I have predicted, this semester I would be in UKM more often. So often till sometimes I can’t go back on weekends. When I reach home, I feel so blessed. But by being here so often I am closer with the friends over here. As of last semester, I spent too much time somewhere else and wasn’t always in UKM. Friends in uni are essential as I will spend almost all the time here and study with them for 3 years.
Well, it’s dancing, running, and of course studying, which I always don’t put it in my mind. Since being here in uni, studies become the core of survival in order to stay on. I am getting use to this system, and adjusting my laziness level towards studies. Studies…I LOVE YOU.
I know I can do it, just that I can’t afford neglecting my studies due to the influence of other people’s actions. I just gotta keep on track no matter what hits me. I’m gonna excel this semester and the semesters to come.
I am gonna do better for the strength I have behind me, for the comfy pillow I have if I fall. For a special someone is always there. For all the reasons that the star is shinning.
January 11, 2010
burst
Finally the tumor on my leg burst.
Accidentally knock my left hip to something last week, and I felt pain since then. Been clumsy, and knocking into things lately.
To those who knows, n saw it…it has become red and purple.
But don’t worry. I am ok.
Last two days were SUKEM, which is the inter colleges athletics championship. After leaving the tracks for quite awhile, I am amaze that I still have some tricks up my sleeves. Hahaha…
Got 3 gold medals and 1 bronze out of 4 events. Did not expect this many gold, and I could not sleep the night before the 1st event.
This time it is so different, meeting new friends in a totally new environment that no one knows you. except for a few friends lah. Who is fast and who’s not? Who can I share what I am feeling right that moment? Who will feel happy for me when I win? Who will be cheering for me when I feel scared?
This time is different, coz you call up, and everything changes.
It is a miracle that I can still run with my bump on my left leg. Yet yesterday the skin started to peel, a sitting down on the floor sometime hurts.
Worried, I start to think, if I die, what will it be? So many things going on in this second who will know how I really feel? So many to say to so many cherish people. I can’t die like this.
Then, when I woke up this morning, I look at it. There’s white thing coming out. I am positive that I am going to die. Gone crazy for a while, but I kept on with my daily routine.
Go bath, eat breakfast, play FB. Den, I look at it again. the white stuff came oozing out. I just gotta wipe it away. While wiping, I keep thinking, when oni can wipe finish?
Change my clothes and when to take bus. In the bus, I almost cried.
Was late to class and my face was pale white. I could not look at myself, but Night told me. Cat asked me whether I’m having a bad mood. Solemnly I reply with only an “Ehn.”
Couldn’t talk to anyone, only sms with KY and you.
I did not want to tell mum about this, didn’t want her to get worry but I guess I can’t take it anymore. I have to tell her, and ask her to ask my doctor what I should do.
At last, during class mum replied saying that it is normal for it to burst. I felt so relieve, I could smile again.
Although this is supposed to happen, I still have to bear the pain, and take good care of my leg. I hope that this time it will be cured and I don’t have to worry about it. Don’t have to make the people around me worry.
Recover faster…
Accidentally knock my left hip to something last week, and I felt pain since then. Been clumsy, and knocking into things lately.
To those who knows, n saw it…it has become red and purple.
But don’t worry. I am ok.
Last two days were SUKEM, which is the inter colleges athletics championship. After leaving the tracks for quite awhile, I am amaze that I still have some tricks up my sleeves. Hahaha…
Got 3 gold medals and 1 bronze out of 4 events. Did not expect this many gold, and I could not sleep the night before the 1st event.
This time it is so different, meeting new friends in a totally new environment that no one knows you. except for a few friends lah. Who is fast and who’s not? Who can I share what I am feeling right that moment? Who will feel happy for me when I win? Who will be cheering for me when I feel scared?
This time is different, coz you call up, and everything changes.
It is a miracle that I can still run with my bump on my left leg. Yet yesterday the skin started to peel, a sitting down on the floor sometime hurts.
Worried, I start to think, if I die, what will it be? So many things going on in this second who will know how I really feel? So many to say to so many cherish people. I can’t die like this.
Then, when I woke up this morning, I look at it. There’s white thing coming out. I am positive that I am going to die. Gone crazy for a while, but I kept on with my daily routine.
Go bath, eat breakfast, play FB. Den, I look at it again. the white stuff came oozing out. I just gotta wipe it away. While wiping, I keep thinking, when oni can wipe finish?
Change my clothes and when to take bus. In the bus, I almost cried.
Was late to class and my face was pale white. I could not look at myself, but Night told me. Cat asked me whether I’m having a bad mood. Solemnly I reply with only an “Ehn.”
Couldn’t talk to anyone, only sms with KY and you.
I did not want to tell mum about this, didn’t want her to get worry but I guess I can’t take it anymore. I have to tell her, and ask her to ask my doctor what I should do.
At last, during class mum replied saying that it is normal for it to burst. I felt so relieve, I could smile again.
Although this is supposed to happen, I still have to bear the pain, and take good care of my leg. I hope that this time it will be cured and I don’t have to worry about it. Don’t have to make the people around me worry.
Recover faster…
January 08, 2010
not this way.
Sometimes in some circumstances people choose the easier way out to feel better, comforted. While some easier ways to feel relieve sometimes means you are lying to yourself. You create a better option than to step out to face the truth. You create a fantasy.
Is this the way you want to move on?
If you choose this way to feel better, I don’t mind. At least it is helping you to feel alright now.
But if you declare that I gave you excuses, and all I said were excuses, does it not mean anything to you? If you think that those were excuses, it also means that if I am still here, you would put in mind, those are excuses.
At the moment we talk about it, are they excuses? My excuses that we don’t need to bother, and fix it.
know that I had a past of hurting you, but by hurting me, I could not withstand it.
I gave you the best of me, why don’t I get the best of you? 1st time. 2nd time.
Or is it, you want me to love you till I left skin and bones only you would learn how to love somebody?
To think of the mistakes as excuses, you are choosing a better road to walk on. If the excuse exists, means there’s a root in it. And if you choose to ignore the excuse, how would you go on loving another person?
I don’t stand here from not being hurt at all. What I am today is form by the actions and decisions I made from falling down. I am not someone who keeps standing all this years. I fall, who doesn’t? That is what makes us grow.
Just standing up from falling isn’t enough if you could not sort out what the real problem was.
It isn’t moving on, it is adding pain.
Is this the way you want to move on?
If you choose this way to feel better, I don’t mind. At least it is helping you to feel alright now.
But if you declare that I gave you excuses, and all I said were excuses, does it not mean anything to you? If you think that those were excuses, it also means that if I am still here, you would put in mind, those are excuses.
At the moment we talk about it, are they excuses? My excuses that we don’t need to bother, and fix it.
know that I had a past of hurting you, but by hurting me, I could not withstand it.
I gave you the best of me, why don’t I get the best of you? 1st time. 2nd time.
Or is it, you want me to love you till I left skin and bones only you would learn how to love somebody?
To think of the mistakes as excuses, you are choosing a better road to walk on. If the excuse exists, means there’s a root in it. And if you choose to ignore the excuse, how would you go on loving another person?
I don’t stand here from not being hurt at all. What I am today is form by the actions and decisions I made from falling down. I am not someone who keeps standing all this years. I fall, who doesn’t? That is what makes us grow.
Just standing up from falling isn’t enough if you could not sort out what the real problem was.
It isn’t moving on, it is adding pain.
January 06, 2010
Airplanes and Dreams
This morning I had a dream, a dream that I did want to wake up from. It was too real for me to even doubt that it was a dream.
Of many dreams we dream, we usually forget or have a blurry vision of what dreamt. But this one, this one wasn’t the blurry one. It’s still here in my mind as if it only happened last night.
It was J; I dream that all of us were having a party or something. We were all talking so happily like before, excited and crazy. Whose house was it, I didn’t really bother. But when you said “hey, let’s overnight tonight.” I could feel that I woke up from my dream awhile, as if I was saying yes awake.
It was like shaking my head up and down and all of us say, “hou er!”…your face would lit up, Adrian would do funny actions. Joey and Joann would clap hands.
Too bad it ended there, instead of being distress, I felt satisfied. For a dream so real for me to feel as if you’re here not away. I could feel that you came for a reason. Like always after my birthday you would come back or be here with us to cover back your absence. You came back in a dream to me.
Last week Nicky sms me, saying that he’d been thinking about you lately. Saw many air stewardesses and imagine how you would look like in the uniforms.
I remember how much you like being an air steward. Remember Singapore Airlines, and how maybe you would leave us going there. First, u left us for Subang, then Kampar, then Singapore? Further n further you wanna go.
When Joey was in college, she told me she wanted to work in an airline. KLIA not bad, she said.
I always wanted to be a lawyer, didn’t have that dream of being in an airline at all. But as two of my closest friend wants to be in the same line, it triggers me to be in it as well. How I don’t know yet. But as 3 of us were in the same class since standard 1, till form 5, we 3 three never go far away.
Independent we all become, but growing up together is something we 3 have. You should have been here. Then we three could be working together in different departments…hahaha…I don’t want follow you wear skirt, be an air steward, but I can work with Joey on the ground. Hehe.
You’re flying up high now, fly high high no matter where you are, thank you for the dream. A dream so real to me.
Of many dreams we dream, we usually forget or have a blurry vision of what dreamt. But this one, this one wasn’t the blurry one. It’s still here in my mind as if it only happened last night.
It was J; I dream that all of us were having a party or something. We were all talking so happily like before, excited and crazy. Whose house was it, I didn’t really bother. But when you said “hey, let’s overnight tonight.” I could feel that I woke up from my dream awhile, as if I was saying yes awake.
It was like shaking my head up and down and all of us say, “hou er!”…your face would lit up, Adrian would do funny actions. Joey and Joann would clap hands.
Too bad it ended there, instead of being distress, I felt satisfied. For a dream so real for me to feel as if you’re here not away. I could feel that you came for a reason. Like always after my birthday you would come back or be here with us to cover back your absence. You came back in a dream to me.
Last week Nicky sms me, saying that he’d been thinking about you lately. Saw many air stewardesses and imagine how you would look like in the uniforms.
I remember how much you like being an air steward. Remember Singapore Airlines, and how maybe you would leave us going there. First, u left us for Subang, then Kampar, then Singapore? Further n further you wanna go.
When Joey was in college, she told me she wanted to work in an airline. KLIA not bad, she said.
I always wanted to be a lawyer, didn’t have that dream of being in an airline at all. But as two of my closest friend wants to be in the same line, it triggers me to be in it as well. How I don’t know yet. But as 3 of us were in the same class since standard 1, till form 5, we 3 three never go far away.
Independent we all become, but growing up together is something we 3 have. You should have been here. Then we three could be working together in different departments…hahaha…I don’t want follow you wear skirt, be an air steward, but I can work with Joey on the ground. Hehe.
You’re flying up high now, fly high high no matter where you are, thank you for the dream. A dream so real to me.
January 02, 2010
the higher you fly, the harder you fall.
And the deeper u love the more you hurt. Could we just adjust our love meter to a level that we definitely could control ourselves?
Bullshit.
It’s only true when you build walls so that no one comes nearer.
I mark my perimeter, made sure I won’t get hurt that easily. I did, and I am safe.
What is love without hurt? Loveless, lifeless, duty.
What is love when you hurt?
What is the meaning of hurt?
Looking around every single person I know is hurt and had been hurt. No one can run away from hurt. No matter how happy we are right now, one day we will hurt. Be ready.
No matter how I lock myself away, I still open my heart and inevitably get hurt as well.
Not this way I want to live. What is this? What am I doing? What are you doing?
Really hope that what Sa Po said would happen. That is to be happy forever and ever. Smiling I am, laughing I am, dreaming I also am.
I wish that you’re happy too, as you seem moody lately. Whatever is bothering you I hope it goes away.
Whatever is bothering me, should it just go away?
Michelle Leong… Focus!
You have studies to focus on; dance to perform on, competition to be on. No time for the game of love.
No time to be a hero for anyone. Don’t call me. My line is busy. Tu tut tu…the number u have dial is unavailable…please try again later.
Star you keep shining and came down to play with me, but you don’t stay. I’m sad to know that I have to let you go each time the sun comes out. The truth remains you don’t belong with me.
Oh darn shit. TAKESHIKEI give me strength…should I go on?
Bullshit.
It’s only true when you build walls so that no one comes nearer.
I mark my perimeter, made sure I won’t get hurt that easily. I did, and I am safe.
What is love without hurt? Loveless, lifeless, duty.
What is love when you hurt?
What is the meaning of hurt?
Looking around every single person I know is hurt and had been hurt. No one can run away from hurt. No matter how happy we are right now, one day we will hurt. Be ready.
No matter how I lock myself away, I still open my heart and inevitably get hurt as well.
Not this way I want to live. What is this? What am I doing? What are you doing?
Really hope that what Sa Po said would happen. That is to be happy forever and ever. Smiling I am, laughing I am, dreaming I also am.
I wish that you’re happy too, as you seem moody lately. Whatever is bothering you I hope it goes away.
Whatever is bothering me, should it just go away?
Michelle Leong… Focus!
You have studies to focus on; dance to perform on, competition to be on. No time for the game of love.
No time to be a hero for anyone. Don’t call me. My line is busy. Tu tut tu…the number u have dial is unavailable…please try again later.
Star you keep shining and came down to play with me, but you don’t stay. I’m sad to know that I have to let you go each time the sun comes out. The truth remains you don’t belong with me.
Oh darn shit. TAKESHIKEI give me strength…should I go on?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)