This whole year wasn’t a dreamy year, more of a nightmare to me, and when December comes, I really wish it to be better, as December always cheers me up.
I thought that this year would be a simple want, nothing exciting nor did I hope for great things. For many of you are not here. While lesser the people do not mean lesser the fun. Life still goes on, and I expect nothing more.
As this whole year suck with so many bad news and people getting hurt, my circle of friends did get smaller, but also closer. Going through many barriers together, I saw many tears this year.
Yet, it did not end so sadly after all, all those who were not supposed to be here were here. And all those hurt erase by gifts of smile and tolerant.
I want to say that it was a blast on my birthday eve. I could see and feel the people I cherish, cherish me. To know that I mean something to you all, and you guys doing something for me, just melts my heart tremendously.
One happy occasion comes after another, and I hope it does not end there.
This December, is really special for me. I never spend it this way before. It is a beautiful one.
After all, December 2009 did cover all the pain I felt throughout this year. One significant month, with the most significant person, could just wipe it all away with a smile.
December 30, 2009
December 20, 2009
clique
Have u ever wish that there was someone that understands how you think even if you only express it in simple sentences. It’s not easy to find someone who goes through the same experience with you, even so u may find them, but they are not close to us.
Many people go through the same things, but they don’t go through it together. When you found them you feel that this person understands you. You feel comforted that you’re not alone, and your world is not that dark anymore.
Have you ever been afraid to talk because of what people may think about you? Sometimes we do, sometimes we don’t, depending totally on what the scenario is.
There was once I spend time with a friend I cherish a lot. We could talk a lot and so much, and yet sometimes it wasn’t easy for she always think the other way of my story. It is like she created a new character for me in her eyes.
Then there were those who have a darker side to life. They see plot and envy in people. They are very cautious and always have a negative view. Talking to them sometimes just make you wake up a bit that outside there, isn’t that beautiful after all.
For a moment in my life, I felt that no one could see my point of view, except of course J did. Who could talk so freely, spontaneously, jokingly, seriously, happily, in the same path of vision?
When I thought no one will feel the same way I feel in my circle of friends, I was wrong, and I am happy that I was. When I fell down in my deepest hour, I had Nicky to pull me up, and when I am recovering, I am glad that I had you.
For not thinking me as someone I am not. For seeing the beautiful side of me, for putting butterflies and stars up above my skies.
Many people go through the same things, but they don’t go through it together. When you found them you feel that this person understands you. You feel comforted that you’re not alone, and your world is not that dark anymore.
Have you ever been afraid to talk because of what people may think about you? Sometimes we do, sometimes we don’t, depending totally on what the scenario is.
There was once I spend time with a friend I cherish a lot. We could talk a lot and so much, and yet sometimes it wasn’t easy for she always think the other way of my story. It is like she created a new character for me in her eyes.
Then there were those who have a darker side to life. They see plot and envy in people. They are very cautious and always have a negative view. Talking to them sometimes just make you wake up a bit that outside there, isn’t that beautiful after all.
For a moment in my life, I felt that no one could see my point of view, except of course J did. Who could talk so freely, spontaneously, jokingly, seriously, happily, in the same path of vision?
When I thought no one will feel the same way I feel in my circle of friends, I was wrong, and I am happy that I was. When I fell down in my deepest hour, I had Nicky to pull me up, and when I am recovering, I am glad that I had you.
For not thinking me as someone I am not. For seeing the beautiful side of me, for putting butterflies and stars up above my skies.
December 11, 2009
lost again...
I pass through many sad and hurtful things in my life. For me, everything may be dark and gloomy, but I choose not to be, I choose to be satisfied with what I have, even if I don't have.
I’ve lost so much already, and when finally something good happened to me. It has to go away as well? I don’t complain, because I’ve known that there’ll no way someone like her would walk into my life again.
I gave up finding anyone like her, because I don’t want to be disappointed, not able to find this angel. I don’t look for anymore angels that are flying, I just stay there sitting.
But why, did you appear to me? You gave me light and lifted me off my feet. You brought back that sweetness in honey. You made me write and write again. This feeling I lost and I thought will not come back.
If I get hurt again I know I can take it, but to not able to try is something I will regret.
When I finally I thought I a miracle is happening, it is not a miracle after all. Again as I have thought, the one I loved would not spend her days with me.
Lost too much, to lose you.
Don’t care about the love and pain in front of me, I just wanna be happy.
I’ve lost so much already, and when finally something good happened to me. It has to go away as well? I don’t complain, because I’ve known that there’ll no way someone like her would walk into my life again.
I gave up finding anyone like her, because I don’t want to be disappointed, not able to find this angel. I don’t look for anymore angels that are flying, I just stay there sitting.
But why, did you appear to me? You gave me light and lifted me off my feet. You brought back that sweetness in honey. You made me write and write again. This feeling I lost and I thought will not come back.
If I get hurt again I know I can take it, but to not able to try is something I will regret.
When I finally I thought I a miracle is happening, it is not a miracle after all. Again as I have thought, the one I loved would not spend her days with me.
Lost too much, to lose you.
Don’t care about the love and pain in front of me, I just wanna be happy.
December 09, 2009
Want & Should
Someone once told me she can’t love the thing she wants. For her, to love that thing is wrong.
Therefore she choose to do the thing she should do, but she was not happy.
Want and be happy, should and be not. Different aspects points out different views.
Let’s put it in how severe it is if we do the things we want, but should not, and see how “should not” does becomes a barrier to do the things we “want”.
Although we might hate our teacher for failing us, we really “want” to kill them, but we “should not”. Agree?
Although we “want” to kill them, killing them would bring such a big problem to ourselves; we decide we better not kill them. So case solved. We rather live with “should not” because “should” would bring more disaster.
This all may sound silly, but it’s only for humor’s sake.
But what if, you loved someone so much, and you know one day you and her will break. You “want” her so badly, but you “should not” be together. Set aside other factors, we put the “ending will hurt” as the main category here. Now how much will they hurt?
I “want” but “should” it be?
Many say, what ends later should end now, don’t get hurt in the end. While some will say, it’s hard to find two people loving each other so much at the same time, and you should have a blast relationship.
My mind is confused. I always want to be with the one I love, and never put “should” as something in between. Just because I have faith in myself I treat her good, and if one day she leaves, I’ll let her.
As for her, I see that she would love me so much that when the day comes it will hurt her as much as it hurts me. This makes me think a moment would I want her to be hurt in that way? No I don’t.
And yet I don’t want her to be hurt at this moment right now and not in the future as well.
If only she could see that I am hurt enough to be hurt again. I’ve seen the big ocean, and I know how to drift on the sea alone. So it is no big deal a hurt for me.
If “should not” be together is because the fear of me being hurt, you have your answer. I may be use to drift the sea alone but don’t let this go away. It’ll hurt me more to see you hurt right now. It’ll hurt me more knowing that I have to let u go alone.
In this scenario, “should not” isn’t that bad after all. We can accept the fact that “should” be replaced with “should not”.
So it should be, that “want” and “should” exist together in our story.
Therefore she choose to do the thing she should do, but she was not happy.
Want and be happy, should and be not. Different aspects points out different views.
Let’s put it in how severe it is if we do the things we want, but should not, and see how “should not” does becomes a barrier to do the things we “want”.
Although we might hate our teacher for failing us, we really “want” to kill them, but we “should not”. Agree?
Although we “want” to kill them, killing them would bring such a big problem to ourselves; we decide we better not kill them. So case solved. We rather live with “should not” because “should” would bring more disaster.
This all may sound silly, but it’s only for humor’s sake.
But what if, you loved someone so much, and you know one day you and her will break. You “want” her so badly, but you “should not” be together. Set aside other factors, we put the “ending will hurt” as the main category here. Now how much will they hurt?
I “want” but “should” it be?
Many say, what ends later should end now, don’t get hurt in the end. While some will say, it’s hard to find two people loving each other so much at the same time, and you should have a blast relationship.
My mind is confused. I always want to be with the one I love, and never put “should” as something in between. Just because I have faith in myself I treat her good, and if one day she leaves, I’ll let her.
As for her, I see that she would love me so much that when the day comes it will hurt her as much as it hurts me. This makes me think a moment would I want her to be hurt in that way? No I don’t.
And yet I don’t want her to be hurt at this moment right now and not in the future as well.
If only she could see that I am hurt enough to be hurt again. I’ve seen the big ocean, and I know how to drift on the sea alone. So it is no big deal a hurt for me.
If “should not” be together is because the fear of me being hurt, you have your answer. I may be use to drift the sea alone but don’t let this go away. It’ll hurt me more to see you hurt right now. It’ll hurt me more knowing that I have to let u go alone.
In this scenario, “should not” isn’t that bad after all. We can accept the fact that “should” be replaced with “should not”.
So it should be, that “want” and “should” exist together in our story.
December 06, 2009
our own story
Our story is different. I am not someone the world may see as. I am not someone that your friend might see.
Would you not see, I would not let u get hurt as much as this.
You may listen to her, and you rather listen to her than to trust me.
Not everyone is the same. I know how it ends, and I am ready for whatever comes in our way.
Why hurt like this? To know how you feel for me hurts me even more. I rather not know.
Let’s create our own story; it will not be the same as what you heard. Listen to me. Hao mah?
Just listen to your heart, not others. Hear my heartbeat...its true...i promise, it wont hurt.
Would you not see, I would not let u get hurt as much as this.
You may listen to her, and you rather listen to her than to trust me.
Not everyone is the same. I know how it ends, and I am ready for whatever comes in our way.
Why hurt like this? To know how you feel for me hurts me even more. I rather not know.
Let’s create our own story; it will not be the same as what you heard. Listen to me. Hao mah?
Just listen to your heart, not others. Hear my heartbeat...its true...i promise, it wont hurt.
December 05, 2009
tsunami
Standing here as if no tsunami hit me.
I stay sailing in the ocean, slow and steady I move with the wind. I don’t want to paddle my way to somewhere else, I just want to go slowly to the island where you are.
All of a sudden a tsunami hit me…taking me off the course towards you. Almost drown; I keep my head up in order to save myself. Those words hit me like a tsunami, but I swim my way to my boat again, in I go and continue sailing. As if nothing had hit me.
This time I maybe sailing away, I will sail somewhere else so that you don’t have to decide. I may not be so strong, but my boat is. I will continue sailing, to where, I still don’t know.
I stay sailing in the ocean, slow and steady I move with the wind. I don’t want to paddle my way to somewhere else, I just want to go slowly to the island where you are.
All of a sudden a tsunami hit me…taking me off the course towards you. Almost drown; I keep my head up in order to save myself. Those words hit me like a tsunami, but I swim my way to my boat again, in I go and continue sailing. As if nothing had hit me.
This time I maybe sailing away, I will sail somewhere else so that you don’t have to decide. I may not be so strong, but my boat is. I will continue sailing, to where, I still don’t know.
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