fault

The world may fall on you, but you don’t fall down and give up. You crawl back up when everything is on the ground lower than you. There you are taller than anything, when everything is beneath you.

There is no wrong or right and no one blame you for what you did, or did not. You are not walking the road ahead alone. You are just sitting a test where only you are allowed to answer you own questions and sometimes I can’t help you.

I may teach you how to do it, but in the end you have to do it yourself. I can’t be guiding you all the while, there will be no room for you to grow.

Too comfortable you become, and you can’t see the glass falling. In your comfort zone you refuse to grow, refuse to step your feet out.

I am not making your life harder, nor making your life darker, will you look on the bright side?

That I did not blame you, no one blame you, I just have to go, and I can’t stay here. Even how hurt and sad I had been, I still look forward so that I won’t feel hurt anymore.

Can you tell me who does not care enough for you? Each and everyone by your side do care for you.

Look outside, step outside, and see what the world really is. Sometimes it may be disgusting and you don’t like it, but you can’t hate the world. You can’t hate your friends, even if they sometimes get on your nerves.

Accept, overcome, and solve it. How ugly the road in front, you can change it to be a nicer one.

You just need some seeds and water, so that flowers will grow, and clear all those dirt in your path way. You just got to work your way to a better road.

Everyone does it. Sometimes they don’t realize it.

So you see, don’t be lazy. Get up, you will want to see a better view.

Calm Breeze

Blowing winds and cool air is a normal scene we see this few days. Cloudy skies day and night, grey in the day and red in the night sky.

As cool as the air may be, is also as cool as my heart would be. Waking up in the morning, passing by the roofless corridor, watering my friends the orchid and fu kuai fa. In my mind I just want to brush my teeth at the sink next to the balcony, looking at the clouds, brushing my teeth never felt so calming before. Hahaha....

And so is my day, switched on the radio and get on with my daily chores. There is nothing to worry, nothing to be sad about, and least frustration on my mind.

This is the only time I did not work in my holidays. Really didn’t get used to it at first, as I always try not to be at home, but this time was different. Since the sem break started till today, I find myself drown in chores and catching up with friends. I guess I really need time for them and of course time to clean the haggard house.

Mom doesn’t get on my nerves too often nowadays. This few weeks itself, I connect back with friends I don’t meet in almost half a year, months, and even weeks. Guess I spent so much time somewhere else I could not make time for myself and for these friends.

No ups and downs too frequent a time, just a simple straight line along the cruise. Slowing down my pace and trying to sip the fresh air. The air with my scent, the air of being me. Spending more time at home with the beautiful lady at home, maintaining this old house, and chatting throughout the night.

That is life, life during my sem break here. Hahaha…

diamond or sand?

Blood pouring,
Tears flowing,
Air gasping,
I still can’t breathe.

Crunching hearts,
Beaten minds,
Weary souls,
I still am tired.

When I needed you, where were you?
When I was standing in front of you, what were you doing?
When I loved you, where did you put my love?
All was when and when means the past…

I love you so to hurt you even more,
Love you so to be hurt like this,
Love is what I can’t give anymore,
I am sorry I can’t go on like this.

I just need to protect this fragile heart,
Not made of diamonds,
But mere sands, blown by winds,
In your hands, you could not grasp.

Time is not on our side,
For time was what I gave,
But time made a fool of us,
Time took my heart away.

How long is time?
How long does it take to make me smile?
How long does it take to break my heart?
How long does it take to understand.

This heart came back to you,
Begging you to take it in,
With past regrets,
It hopes to see changes.

For you I pluck the stars,
For you I’d cross the oceans,
I stayed the same,
Loving you even more.

Maybe I hurt you too much,
For you to show me that u love me,
Hurt you too deep,
For you to actually show that you care.

Deep inside I know you love me,
On the outside, it does not show,
You’ll care and cry,
But a tear is not what I want.

Laughter, where have you been?
Comfort, are you there?
Joy, I know you are here,
But worry, is always next to me.

Go on and tell me you will change,
Baby, hasn’t it been awhile now?
No you can’t change in a day or two,
And I can’t fight any longer for you.

I am not running away,
I’m just walking away,
I am not far away,
But I am not here to stay.

no broken hearts

How u feel now, is how I feel 3 years ago.

This is just a phase for u to grow up stronger, don’t give up loving someone. You never know who can treat you better. I’ve done my best for you, I make it all possible. Now it is time for me to move on, and find my inner happiness, and your true self.

You will mold up into a better person after each fall, look what happen to me. After falling so hard, I start to stand on my feet stronger, yet still scar and skeptic about love.

Everyone at this moment of time have been hurt deeply, till the extend no one wants to pour out their love no more. I admit I can’t pour out all I once had in me for you. I can’t fall that hard anymore. My heart isn’t whole to start with, therefore I become conscious. Protecting myself from love’s catastrophe.

Until now, this heart is still not whole. This heart isn’t in one piece. It keeps cracking; I don’t know how much I could hang on any longer. I now you love me. You really do, but you don’t show it. You always think that I don’t need so much care. Don’t need you to ‘sayang’ me.

I can’t leave my heart here to crack some more…it will break. When I restore my energy, to make my heart full again, strong harsh winds blow it back down. Seasoned by your actions and cold winds, I prefer to keep my heart as a whole, before I wear out, before our fire burn out.

I am still here, I have not gone completely.

Your turn to need me so much, I can’t give you anything anymore. I can’t be there with you every day, all the time; you need someone that can do it, for you.

Don’t say that you will walk the road ahead alone. You have such good friends by your side. They are there for you. Although I feel the vast difference between us, I still can feel that they will be there to guide you.

I need to see a smile…not tears…no broken hearts, just moving on.

I want to be happy, you to be happy.