your 21st

Is it fast or slow? That another year had passed and I feel as if it all happened few months ago.

Everything is still fresh.

Don’t make me recall, but as I look around I see little kids that resemble us playing, talking. Just today when it was raining, I when out my room from studying, look up where the rain falls, I can see droplets failing nicely before it reaches the ground. And do you remember, we put our hands out to catch the rain drops. Our heads up laughing, see the rain so special fall down so nicely when you look up the side of the building.

Don’t want to think that today is your birthday; want it to just pass fast fast. But why it doesn’t. Didn’t want to go online today coz I don’t want to see those comments, don’t want to feel this upset when I am already so upset. When I know I will be, I still open your fb account to see. What gave me courage to do so was I had someone dear with me by my side. I don’t feel that intense hurt at that moment.

She helps me to feel better at times I feel that I am going to break down. We talked on the phone most of the time today, making my day pass easier. Janice, I love her very much, wish you could see how she is. I finally found the one, the true one that only appears in my dreams. You would be so happy for me.

Wherever you are, if you can hear us or not, I hope that you are happy. After suffering so much here, I hope that you actually went to a better place.

I am sorry J, for not being there. For neglecting you as a friend, I still regret it. Guess I have to put it down, put it all down. I know I can live my days as normal as can be. You know I can still smile.

Just one thing I should be thankful…maybe that it’s a good thing that you are not always by my side. If you were, how could I go on with my life every day?

This big day – stroke it of the calendar. One down, and many more special occasions to go. I don’t want to think and imagine how your 21st birthday would be, don’t want to tell myself how sad I am. World of friends who know J, let’s not frown, let’s not despair, let’s cry together and just let it go. We may lost someone dear to us, but let’s view it as she has gone to some place better, happier.

I may lose someone who knows me best, my memories I may just hold alone. But I have new friends, and I have you, someone that knows what my heart is saying. And forever I will move on with smile, saying, “I am grateful that once in my life, I had J as a my best friend”.