should be...

It is suppose to be easy, comfortable.

Love can come with guide. Guide does not need to come with love.

You’re young we both know, time was what you need and I gave you. I had great memories but something was missing each time. Is it that you wanted me to be happy but you weren’t happy inside coz deep inside your happiness was not born out of me.

I wanted to do something else, you did as well. I saw things in this way, u saw in another. Yet we compromise, whatever you wanna do I’ll do, and so did you. Truth is you know I don’t like it, I said I wanna stop. From there we do our own things again.

Told myself, I should not leave you to be alone, I stayed nearby, hoping to be there when you need me. Sometimes I could not be there physically and it hurts both you and me. You know I always try my best to surprise you, but maybe that was not enough.

I still remember how you look when I gave you that lantern. It’s weird that you did not look surprise at all. I don’t mind if you don’t. But why when I look at you, you rather sms another person at that moment. I never felt more disappointed. What was on your mind? You apologize, but that special moment had passed. It’s gone. I wanted to see your face light up, but u didn’t.

I told you how I felt, I told how I would want you to treat me. You are supposed to be the one who should know me better. We seem so estranged, and I still can’t accept you going crazy after another TB than me. You could be so excited about her in front of me. What about me?

Am I not good enough? Yes maybe I am just not because I start to feel tired. I have no strength to pull out jokes that you don’t even laugh.

untitled

i cant sleep the whole night...just coz i feel so stress...i din get to study today (or should i say yesterday)...thats y i tot of just sleeping the nite off...but then i could not....wake up at 12am all of a sudden...n took out econs to study...

i could study so well in th emiddle of the nite..i feel so calm...i felt as if nothing is on...everyone is asleep... but not my room mate...we study on our seperate tables till dawn breaks...n it is 6am in the morning now...


untill i open ur blog to read...i knew i would find something unpleasant, after what had happen today (yesterday)... your speechless makes me speechless...i never post bout our problems because i never felt that it were problems...until when i need you the most u keep banging me down...

one year of happiness

it's precisely one year that we've been together hand in hands...

if we didn't broke up...it would be a year and a half...anyway we're back...and that's more important...

these past tree months when i am in uni...i rili cherish the times we had...come to think of it...we meet each other quite often after all...

surrounding us are people with heartbroke hearts, having to miss those they love so much...or even felt lonely even in a crowd of people...

seeing JR n Sa Po i felt happy for them too...but today also was supose to be KY's anniversary too...

after the barriers we bare, being here is where any couple would want...

but still sometimes there's that age gap...hope u fast fast grow big...haha....

happy one year anniversary lah...gonna meet u later ok...


xoxo...

could i make it?

its just almost 5 months after she past away...
but as each day passes, it hurts even more deeper...
isn't it suppose to be better as time wash away that scar...

ur cousin sister sms me just now..i was lying on the bed with the lights on, with my mind on whatever that came across...

i formated the phone and lost a lot of numbers...even mann's number.

all of a sudden i saw a msg saying that "im at janice's hse now..tonight gonna stay at her room"...

terkejut saya...

actually it was mann...she overnite at her house tonite...coz she'll be going to penang with auntie tml...

i've been missing her these days...even nicky oso sometimes tell me the same thing..
i just act thoug...n ignored that msg...

but tonite..i could cry again...when i recall the times when she told me how much she love her new house so much...her furniture...her appliances...the condo's facilities...

the last time we were in her hse was on new year's eve...we had a splended night steamboat...

audrey was there too...we prepared our meal tat night together...at her hse...

evrything was so delicious as d ingredients were custom chosen...

adrian even bought whisky for us...had dinner...sip a little..

if that wasnt enuf...we went swimming in the middle of the night...no one else but us..

too bad the guard had to chase us off...so funny...had to go back up...just in time to see the fire crackers on her balcony that night...

but she wasnt tat happy...like always...she remain d shady...fought on the phone with her bf...

anyway...adrian and i would owaz bring things back into mood...even if she was frowning inside...

J...we all miss u even more and more each day...u've impacted us so much...

impacted the ppl around you, as u were a down to earth person who show concern to ppl all ard you...never hurt anyone...but owaz hurted by people...

be cool gal...we're here living our days not letting u go...keeping u as an example...remind us to cherish our frens by our side...

even if we scar each other...now and then...its just a move for us to grow...

catching up...

live in uni now is quite stabil already...
finally i see where i am going...what to do, an dmeet plenty of new friends that are so frenly...
just gotta hope i keep going on smoothly...why, its just a hope...

been so busy bout things, and rili no mood to type down anything, when there's actualli so much to type...

there was the 1st week of uni, the weeks to come, the prom nite..the upcoming fact nite...

there's so much things on my mind, i cant keep track of wat to do...

been well in class rili...especially for management class...d assignments rili are so challenging n makes me use my brain to answer them...n wat makes me love it..i usually score high scores like 9/10....haha...the satisfaction in that..

so much..so much happen...

yet one thing remains...that u janice, still not here with us...
i cant help but start to feel ur absence...
maybe its only 5 months...n maybe we've not talk to each other even longer than this..
but really not this way...usually we still hear some news from each other...

5 months...just like tat...slow or fast? i duno...everything's like a flash...
but when i look bak...u've oni gone for 5 months..which make me feel like a year has past...


why do i feel sad? i riili dun wan to feel this way...it hurts so much to know the thruth...

why do i cry...even if i noe that would not change a thing...

if only i noe what was the last thing u rili wanted to do...

i may just feel a lot beta...one last help for u....n u close to us...again...

too much..

actually too much happen in the past weeks...

weeks that now seems like months i did not blog..

but weeks seem like a few days to me in reality...

so much to say, but i only i get to write so few with this fingers of mine...

i've used my time unwisely...spend it all on other leisures, and also assignments...

used it up with new friends i meet at uni...

used it up with momo at home...

used it up with mum at home...

where do i find time to sit down....relax..n blog...

wow...so fast...alls gone like the wind that blows by...a breeze i wish to feel longer...

no post

totaly no time to blog at all...

wat the..where's the time?

fuh~~ facebooking more often nowadays~~

cant fit in a time for blogging....

exausted...

this few days memang pain in d neck...

when constantly argue with mum over uni things..and ask her not to worry about things and about me so much...

headache lah..tolong...

today woke up early to go to bank islam to pay my uni fees...

not too expensive, but watching that women taking money out of her pocket..i still feel like don't like...i wanted ptptn...but dear over worried mum afraid that it would burden me if i pay back..

what the f**king shit...she over heard that a month have to pay back rm500 over.. (like that geh wah can buy car lor)...stupid de...where got gov payment so expensive de????

when i explain to her the through deal...she cant accept it...argh..nvm...nvm..pay lah since she is so capable...


haiz..after going bank islam..went back to school to get some things done...
when back to JJ to get something from mum which i forgot..
went back home to bath (unnecessary...but weather rili hot)...
when to TS again to buy some new formal clothes...
and then wah la...come back to work at 5pm...till 9pm tonite...

but i am damn exausted...rushing and running...
my shoulder sakit leh..momo...where are you? come massage abit... =)

cant wait...

Isn’t it cool tat I don’t have to be home for the coming year…and 3 years to be exact…

Yes I may be exaggerating, but hey…im glad that this day came like revelations.. im going to uni...

Since im at bangi…I still can always come back on the weekends…thank mankind for transports..

Can’t wait to check out the new place…although I keep hearing ppl say how well equipped it is.. I still have a ready heart for disappointments…hehe…

Long for Sunday to come…
Long for meeting new people
Long to check out the place
Long to study the course I love
Long, Long, Long…


Still…I am worried about the women in my house…hope she doesn’t miss me too much…

fuh~ got many things to gao dim...alot alot of things to accomplish~

later JR n i go to buy luggage...
tomorrow going back to school...nite celebrate KY 's bday...
Wed go shopping with ka jie...nite go watch tranformers
Thurs got f6 gathering..at nite go steamboat with nicky..
Fri nite got appreciation nite for d ns thing...n my last nite at TK's b4 entering uni..
Sat...all to momo...
Sun...head off~~


weeheeheehohoho.....

going into Uni..

i did it...

i was so excited bout the results..but i did it...

im going to UKM to study econs...which is my 1st choice~

i should have applied UM as my 1st choice...

coz UM is so much more nearer...there's KTM and putra...fuh..

momo cant come to visit me ler..haiz~

but so glad and thank god i study near KL...

at least i can come back on fridays to sundays~

wahahaha....dont have to be at home ler...im so hepiiiiii.....


*damn excited*